My beautiful boy

Dear Benjamin,



Before we knew you were a boy, before we knew how you would change our lives, you already had a big impact on us. Daddy and I were so happy to find out that we were adding a new addition to our family of 5. Your brothers Cris, Tony and Alex were so happy. Tony actually cried when he found out you were coming. Time seemed to creep by, we waited for each ultrasound, every doctor's appointment.



When I was around 11 weeks, I started having complications. The doctors kept reassuring us that everything was fine, and we believed them. I was put on bedrest, then taken off, then put back on. It was a trying time for us all, but we managed. Your brothers tried to help as much as possible, bringing me cold water, and keeping me company. When things took a turn for the worse, and the doctors stopped giving us hope, we still kept our faith that things were going to turn out ok.



On April 17, life changed forever. We lost you, to umbilical cord prolapse caused by Premature Rupture of Membranes/Chronic Placental Abruption. I was taken by ambulance to a local hospital, where the doctor confirmed our worst fears, you had passed away. I was calm, I think mostly because I was in shock. My body kept waiting to feel your kicks, to prove them wrong. On April 18 you were taken from my body, but not from my heart. After you were taken, we had you blessed and baptized and then brought to us. We said our final goodbyes on Sunday April 19, after the sedatives the doctors gave me had worn off. I marveled at your perfect little body, and thanked God for the time that I had you with me. When the nurse wheeled you away, I felt my heart breaking.

Love,
Mommy