Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Dear Benjamin,

I am sitting here waiting for the infant loss/bereavement group to start. It's supposed to be a group to help mothers and fathers deal with losing their babies. I almost had to laugh at the cruelty of it, when I discovered it is in the Labor and Delivery section of a local hospital. I used to work at this particular hospital, I know they have other conference rooms available in other areas of the hospital.

I wish they would come soon, I arrived too early and now finding myself wanting to run for the nearest exit. What if they criticize me for having three children already, but suffering so much over losing you?

I love you my angel.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

One month

Dear Benjamin,

Today is one month since you passed away. Life has changed in many ways for all of us. Your brothers and I are much closer. Daddy and I also have managed to weather this storm of emotions and become stronger. I have come to realize who is my friend, and who is not. And I have to say, I have alot of truly wonderful friends, I would not have made it through losing you without them. I have connected with a wonderful group of people that have really helped me out of some scary, dark places. I thank God for them every day!

I talk about you all the time, telling people how much of a fighter you were, and how I miss you every day. You will always be with me.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Cord

The Cord
We are connected, my child and I,by an invisible cord not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord that connects us at birth,this cord can't be seen by any on Earth.

The cord does it work right from the start,It binds us together attached to my heart.

I know that it's there, though no one can see,the invisible cord from my child to me.

The strength of this cord it's hard to describe,it can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord man can create,it withstands the test that can hold any weight.

And though you are gone and your not here with me,the cord is still there but no one can see.

It pulls at my heart, I'm bruised....I am sore. But this cord is my lifeline as never before.

I am thankful that God connects us this way, A mother and child...Death can't take it away.

(Author unknown)

Dear Benjamin,

This sums it up so perfectly!

Mommy loves you!