Saturday, July 18, 2009

3 months

My little Benjamin,

You have been gone now for 3 months. Sometimes it feels like an eternity, and sometimes I can still imagine you are kicking me, letting me know you are there.

Life has changed so much since we lost you. Your brothers speak of you often. They attended a bereavement camp for children who have lost family members. I think it really helped them to know that they are not the only ones who miss someone, and it's ok to cry. They had a lovely memorial service for you and all of the other missing family members. Daddy and I cried so hard.

Your brothers have been amazing trying to help me through my grief. I am so proud of them. Cris recognizes when I am feeling sad and is always there to give me a hug. Tony has been a little more reserved which is normal for him, but he's always right there when I need some support. Alex seems so old sometimes at his 5 years of age, if he sees me crying he automatically assumes it is "because of Ben" and gives me a hug.

These are some things your brothers have written to or about you:

From Cris (11 years old)

Dear BJ

What is heaven like? Is it shiny?!? I hope we'll see each other some day, I'll bring a soccer ball. Is heaven like earth? But on clouds and no bad people? Tell Grandma Marcie I said Hi! Ok here's a little phrase I heard from a man named Nick Vujicic: don't give up on God and God will not give up on you!!

PS: Tell God I said hi!

Your Brother Cris

From Alex (5 years old) a song he made at bereavement camp sung to the tune of You are My Sunshine

Peek a boo Benjamin I love you
Your older brother Alex
Wishing to ride bikes with you
Play on swings in the park and let you win all the board games
I would feed you and rock you
but never change a diaper-mom can do that
When you fall I'll give you a band-aid cause I'll love you forever.

We miss you and love you


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